Why I Hate When the Twilight DVDs Come Out

So, I have finally hit it.  The age that no longer matters.  The age where the only thing I have to look forward to next is senior discounts at Golden Corral.  Yup, I hit 22.  Sure, you can say that "oh but you could rent a car when you turn 25!" except that I don't need to rent a car, I don't see myself being in a situation where I would even need to rent a car where I wouldn't have my parents there to rent it for me.

Every year, I get very anxious around my birthday.  Honestly, I don't even remember my birthdays from high school except for a select couple.  I do know I would generally avoid "celebrations."  They bugged me, and generally would go wrong.  The boy I was dating in high school only exemplified my birthday anxiety by getting me meaningless gifts - or none at all for that matter - and just having things go wrong.  Not just where it wouldn't be a "good" birthday, it would just often turn into an exceptionally bad day.  Admittedly, my anxiety wouldn't help and I'm positive I have blown up situations.

And - Twilight always came out on DVD on my birthday.  That doesn't seem to really matter except for maybe really petty reasons for most people, but there is a story as to why this irks me so much.  A few years ago when I was dating the aforementioned boy, we were a long distance relationship.  We would see each other just about every weekend only living an hour away from each other, but obviously we went to different high schools and had overall different friends.

He became close to a small group of friends in addition to his other friends, and although I was not especially thrilled about it at the time, we went to go see Twilight with them.  Specifically, the main friend he had made in this group was a girl named Ashton.  Not wanting to be the overpowering bitchy girlfriend, I (reasonably, I still think) trusted him to hang out with Ashton.  She was nice and had that personality where she seemed to be trying just a tad to hard to be that much different from everyone else.  Short red hair and slightly naive.  She was the main person who motivated us to go to Twilight, and the main person that he hung out with for a little while.  Well, I tried to avoid the signs.  Once, he went out of his way to pick her up and bring her home to hang out at a friends' house for a little while.  And left me there alone while he went to pick her up and bring her home - thirty minutes out of the way.  Okay, maybe he's starting to be a bit enthusiastic about this girl, but I should still trust him, right?

As you can see where this story is going, he ended up cheating on me with her.  We had been dating for only a year at the time that I found out, and it was likely in February that I did find out - not long before my birthday.  Twilight was my first time meeting her, at a movie that I despised, and that same year, the DVD released on my birthday.  We attempted working the relationship out, and dated for two more years before finding out he had been rather unfaithful throughout, and each year, the new Twilight movie would release on the week of my birthday, and it would bring back the memory of my initial feelings for Ashton - wanting to trust my beloved boyfriend while being wary of her.

This is not a story to bash on him, as the relationship has long since ended and I am currently in a wonderful relationship, but really to reflect on how the tiny memories can have such a massive impact on my mood. I hate reliving those feelings, yet I do every time I see a Twilight commercial simply because that is the only commercial thing that I have connected to Ashton, the girl who was the symbol for my initial extreme distrust in my boyfriend at the time.  That distrust hits me - less strongly now - every time I see Bella cross my TV or in a preview.  Also, it makes me realize a small turning point in my life to the worse.  I allowed myself to stay with him, only for him to be unfaithful again later on.  I would feel guilty if I distrusted him, even though I had full reasoning to be.

That being said, I was able to break out of it and while I in no means appreciate the experience, I am happy that I turned out for the better.  That particular experience showed me that while I need to be trusting in others, I should not allow myself to become clouded by the way I want them to be.  I wanted him to be trustworthy, so I made myself believe that he was trustworthy instead of really looking at the obvious signs right in front of me.  I was able to take off those rose colored glasses due to this experience and am extraordinarily happy in my life today.  Just, when I see a Twilight preview flash across the TV, I can't help but to relive those feelings even a little bit - and they seem especially prevalent right around my birthday.  That, again, already makes me anxious.

And that is why I hate when the Twilight DVDs come out.

Probably my inspiration for this shirt too.